We’ve been hit with a lot of difficulties lately, so I haven’t been able to keep up with my workload. I had been trying to decrease my work-related workload, so I could devote more time to writing my book. Unfortunately, not only have the demands on my time due to work not gone down, they’ve increased. With so many unexpected beginning-of-the-school-year demands, I haven’t been able to keep up with those either. And then there’re the household demands, both the typical and the unexpected. I suppose it’s rather obvious that I haven’t been able to keep up with any of them.
When things go smoothly, I can keep up with my regular workload and many of the unexpected demands placed on me. Lately, things have not gone the least bit smoothly. When you’re stretched as thin as you can get, something has got to give. When you’re juggling many things, a lot of things usually have to give.
Because I was trained up in the belief that self-sufficiency and independence are possible, I tend to feel guilty when life gets to be too much for me to handle. My default thinking is that if I were more able, then I would be able to handle everything life throws at me without dropping anything else, and that I should be able to do it effectively and efficiently.
I know this isn’t true. Still, the belief lingers. It’s hard to admit that all these challenges are just too much; it’s somehow easier to believe that I am not doing enough.
I can’t control how much time I have. I get the same 24 hours everyone else does, and I can’t change that. For the most part, I can’t control how much I can accomplish in the time that I have. Sure, I can make myself more productive, but there’s only so much leeway there.
Right now it feels like I’m lost in the limited time I have, with more to do than I can possibly get done, and more people anxiously waiting for me to produce. I live with it, because I can’t see any way out of the situation. I’ve got to catch up and it’ll take as long as it takes. What choice do I have?
But I’m also trying not to feel guilty for my limitations. I will get it all done. I know that. Many of the people I work with know that, too. I just need more time. And I need room to breathe so I can keep working. Guilt is just a waste of energy that will slow me down.
Are you holding onto anything that’s getting in your way? Are you ready to just let it go? Perhaps that sounds overly simplistic. Then again, perhaps it sounds just simple enough.