I am a planner at heart. I like to look into the possible futures and map out a plan to navigate through those futures in the hopes that I will achieve the future I want.
There are two fundamental problems with this:
- I am not actually in control of what happens in my present, let alone in my future.
- I am not very good at predicting how much energy I will have to devote to a given set of tasks on a given day, which makes it hard to plan for the variables.
In His sermon on the mount, Jesus Christ says, “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof,” (Matthew 6:34). I do take thought for the morrow. I can’t help it; at least, I do not yet know how to help it. I worry, I plan, and I strategize. Unfortunately, all my plans and strategies are for naught. No matter how much I plan, I cannot control the future. Sometimes my worries come to pass, but even those don’t mean what I expected.
One variable that has long been out of my control is my sleep pattern, rather my lack of a sleep pattern. I’m working on this in the present, and in the future I expect help from sleep specialists. In the meantime, I’m not sure when I’ll be asleep and when I’ll be awake on any given day. All I’m really sure about is that I won’t get enough sleep no matter what I do. Even if I do get enough sleep on a particular day, the pattern won’t last out the entire week.
But, for this day, I am awake during the day. I’ll probably take a nap, because I woke up at 3 a.m., but at least I’ll be awake for part of the day. I’m committed to taking this day as it comes. I do have a plan – there’s work I want to get done – but I’m not going to let my plans interfere with the rhythm God sets for my day.
Living life day-by-day is a bit different for me, but if that’s what I need to do to get healthy, then that’s what I’ll do. And I’m not going to apologize for it or feel guilty over the things I don’t get done. This day will be enough for this day. Tomorrow and all the tomorrows after it will just have to take care of themselves.