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Lifting the Fog from My Mind

  • Posted on March 29, 2013 at 10:00 AM

If I had to choose, I’d rather be in pain than be in fog. I’m not talking about the literal atmospheric condition which essentially creates cloud-like conditions for several feet off the ground, though fog can be rather annoying to drive or walk through. I’m talking about something called “fibro fog.” At least, I think that’s what’s going on.

My livelihood (and my family’s) relies on my ability to think, to focus, to concentrate, and to string those focused thoughts into words on the page, i.e. to write something worth reading. Generally speaking, I’m fairly good at this. But lately my abilities to focus and to concentrate have been slipping. It feels like, for the last few months, I’ve fallen off a foggy cliff and disappeared for a while. This is on top of another illness, which has been difficult to shake.

When I’m well enough, I meet, via Skype, with a co-writer on a weekly basis. Awhile back, I explained, “My week is gone and I have no idea where it went.” I had nothing to show for it, including the assignment I was supposed to turn into him the day before we met. That has persisted for much longer than just the one week now.

This is frustrating, because if I can’t focus and concentrate, I can’t work. The work piles up and there’s always more of it to do. It’s also how I earn my family’s living. What’s more, much of what I do for the boys (advocacy, program development, ect.) to ease their way in the world also relies on these abilities. I can’t advocate for my children properly if it’s a struggle to simply concentrate and focus my thoughts.

The thoughts are there, they just don’t reach my mouth or my fingers. They slip away into the fog. In some ways, it’s similar to descriptions I’ve heard of attention-deficit disorders. Except, instead of thoughts moving quickly, they move terribly slow and the fog (a blank nothingness) rolls in quickly over them. In some ways, it’s similar to depression, except instead of my mood being depressed (mood is actor), my whole brain is being depressed (brain is the subjected to the action). Altogether, I dislike it and want it to stop.

Anyone know anything that might help?