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The Bee

  • Posted on August 11, 2014 at 10:00 AM

The first time I was stung, I was a little child. Four or five years old, running barefoot in the grass, picking dandelions, and I stepped on a bee. I ran home crying and my grandfather made it all better.

I hadn’t been stung again in all these years. Not once that I can remember.

Saturday night, late, I went upstairs to go to the bathroom. When I came down I sat in my chair and —ouch!— something poked me. I scratched, thinking a sliver got stuck in the pillow*. But there was something, like a little wad, in my pant leg.

I was alone, in the privacy of my den, so I reached in and took it out. It was a bee! It was alive! I flung it, stomped on it. Realized that it might have been a wasp, but it didn’t occur to me to care. It was bee in my pants!!!

How does that even happen? I can feel the little, pale hairs on my arms move. A bee couldn’t have crawled up my leg without me feeling it. It couldn’t have just landed on the chair. It was in my pants! All I can think is that it must have gotten in when I was in the bathroom and wasn’t too bothered until I sat on it. But, really, in my pants!!!

So, yes, there’s a little freak-out going on. Yes, still.

*I have an “executive’s” chair, with a wheeled bottom, a high back, arms, and built-in cushioning. I sit on this chair lotus-style, because otherwise my legs feel like they’re floating away, which makes it rather hard to concentrate on my work. When I sat on the faux-leather, this created semi-permanent callus-like lines in my ankles that would occasionally bleed. So, I got a regular chair cushion, but it was only marginally better, because the extra cushioning and fabric didn’t cover the whole chair. Just last week, I found a square pillow that’s bigger than the seat of the chair by just a little bit, so it’s a perfect fit for my lotus. The callus hasn’t gone away yet, but my chair is nice and soft and it doesn’t hurt me anymore.

But, really, a bee in my pants!!! Jeez, what’s the world coming to?