In the US, bullying is often associated with physical, verbal or emotional violence. In the course of my life I’ve seen the connotative meaning of bullying (what people regard as bullying behavior) shift in subtle but meaningful ways.
According to Dictionary.com bully is defined as follows:
–noun
1. a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
–verb (used with object)
6. to act the bully toward; intimidate; domineer.
–verb (used without object)
7. to be loudly arrogant and overbearing.
As a child, I regarded this dictionary definition rather literally—not surprising, since literal interpretations are my default, especially with word meanings. Yet, I have noticed that in many settings bullying behaviors are not recognized as such until those behaviors surpass the definition of bullying and cross over into harassment or abuse.
Consider the Dictionary.com definition of harass:
–verb (used with object)
1. to disturb persistently; torment, as with troubles or cares; bother continually; pester; persecute.
2. to trouble by repeated attacks, incursions, etc., as in war or hostilities; harry; raid.
Consider also the Dictionary.com definition of abuse:
–verb (used with object)
1. to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one’s authority.
2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to abuse a horse; to abuse one's eyesight.
3. to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign.
4. to commit sexual assault upon.
–noun
6. wrong or improper use; misuse: the abuse of privileges.
7. harshly or coarsely insulting language: The officer heaped abuse on his men.
8. bad or improper treatment; maltreatment: The child was subjected to cruel abuse.
9. a corrupt or improper practice or custom: the abuses of a totalitarian regime.
10. rape or sexual assault.
Since I have begun blogging about autism and neurodiversity, I have heard many stories of “bullying” which describe not bullying, but harassment and abuse. They are not the same. Bullying, denotatively speaking, is a much milder version of similar behavioral patterns. If bullying were stopped when it was just bullying, then victims would experience a lot less trauma and would, therefore, be less likely to suffer PTSD.
Unfortunately, at least in American culture, bullying is regarded as so normal and acceptable that bullying behavior is not described as such until it becomes harassment or abuse. And even when it reaches the point of harassment or abuse there’s often little that people can or will do to stop it.
The questions I hope to address over the next several posts (sorry, I don’t know how many posts it will take) are these: How did we go so far wrong? And, what can we do to turn back the tide of violence?
Yes, you’ve hit the nail on the head.
I describe my Aspie son’s torment at school as bullying but it was definitely abuse, stalking and harassment on the abuser’s part.
Little done here in Melbourne, Oz, to address bullying, except this latest advice for the victims to laugh at their tormentors.
Bizarre!
Ro,
So the usage of “bully” isn’t just changing in the US. That’s worth knowing.
The interesting thing is that, in my opinion, the tactics described in that article might work if the behaviors they were meant to address was simple bullying. But once the bullying becomes harassment or abuse more needs to be done–something a child should not be expected to do alone. I don’t think people are going to realize how severe some of these behaviors are until we call them by their proper names.
You raise some interesting points there. I look forward to reading more. Thankfully bullying/harassment hasn’t been an issue for us as yet…but Secondary (High) School has yet to come.
xx Jazzy
Bullying hasn’t been as much of an issue for my boys yet either. Will’s witnessed it, but he wasn’t the target. And Alex and Ben have not yet been able to communicate that they’re aware of it.
But, as I intend to discuss in a later post, bullying is an issue adults face as well as kids, as is harassment and abuse.
We too have been lucky-we are in a very small school..and bullying is really frowned upon. What bothers me about it-in the media..is that instead of addressing the problem of bullying, we turn it into something else. Right now, in the news a couple of kids have committed suicide. Apparently they were tormented for being gay. Instead of addressing the idea that these PEOPLE were tormented, that they were HUMAN BEINGS, that they killed themselves..that they have family members grieving..that they were people with likes and loves and abilities-it has become a platform for gay rights. Don’t misunderstand me, I believe that everyone has the right and responsibility to live their lives. No one should be made to feel shame over who they are. I just think we need to address the idea of bullying…instead of getting side tracked.
I agree that the diversion to gay rights is problematic. It’s understandable. It’s an opportunity for gay rights activists to spread their message and draw attention to the fact that as much acceptance as homosexuality has gained it’s still not enough to prevent violence. As much as I understand that, I think that by doing so they are also politicizing an issue that shouldn’t be political.
People should not be bullied, harassed or abused regardless of why they are being targeted for bullying, harassment and abuse. By bringing the homosexuality issue into it, they are risking alienating potential supporters who are against bullying and violence, but who do not support the LGBT agenda. They are also minimizing and/or overwhelming the other stories of similar incidents that have nothing to do with homosexuality.
Awesome post! Your style is so refreshing in comparison to most other writers. Thanks for posting when you get the chance to, I will be sure to read more!
Thank you, Frida. You’re welcome to check out parts 2 & 3, which are also up.
http://embracingchaos.stephanieallencrist.com/2010/10/bullying-part-2-%e2%80%9cboys-will-be-boys%e2%80%9d/
http://embracingchaos.stephanieallencrist.com/2010/10/bullying-part-3-%e2%80%9cgirls-will-be-girls%e2%80%9d/
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