After a long journey, overcoming many obstacles, my brother has graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Environmental Design – his next step is to get his Master’s Degree in Architecture. I am so proud of my brother and so much wanted to show my support and pride that I traveled to Colorado to celebrate this great accomplishment and witness his commencement.
This was a big step for my family. For the first time, my mother and I were gone for two days (including travel time), leaving Mark and the boys home. For us, it was a trial period. While my father and other family and friends made a weekend of this momentous occasion, my mother and I arrived the day before the commencement and left a mere three hours after the last ceremony. It was a whirlwind trip – my first time on an airplane since I was a child.
Two things have come of this trip. First, we now know my leaving for a short time will not cause a total meltdown of our lives, whether or not my mother is able to pick up the slack in my absence. This is a great relief and a great accomplishment. Two years ago this would not have been possible. A single year ago this would not have been possible. While I never really saw it as a sacrifice, I’ve skipped out on surgery and on trips to be there for my family. And now, at last, my family has reached a point where if I have to go, they will be okay. It’s a great feeling! And this accomplishment—this milestone—paves the way for me to pursue my own dreams. As a writer, I need to be able to give speeches and go to signings to make myself sufficiently available to my audience and sufficiently marketable to publishers. For so long, this was not possible. Now, it is. The horizon stretches forth with golden light, and I’m so proud of my family and so joyous about the possibilities ahead.
The second thing that has come from this trip is a re-connection with family and friends. While some family members have been able to travel to see us, my brother and father included, I haven’t seen most of my extended family in about a decade. For some, it has been longer. It was a joy to see my family. I realized, despite the miles and the years of being disconnected, I have a place in my family. More than just a space in the family tree, I am wanted and needed. I have something to share and am someone they can share with – thoughts and dreams, hopes and ideas, skills and talents. Together, we are more.
Somehow, I forgot that. In many ways, raising three children with autism has made my world bigger. Despite the stigma and the prejudice, the community of disabilities and the autism community are great “places” to be. There are lots of wonderful people who I probably would never have met otherwise. There is goodness and wholeness that many don’t see, because they’re never immersed in it. I’m grateful that I have been. And I’m grateful that I have a place here, and am needed and wanted here.
Yet, even as these experiences have opened and expanded my mind, my spirit, and my life, there have also been contractions in these areas. It’s difficult for me to keep up with all I try to do, and there are many times where one more thing is just too much. But through this trip I have learned that staying in touch with family and friends is not one of those things. It’s “work” in the sense that it’s another thing to go on my overly long to-do list. It’s time-consuming. But the rewards are greater than the work; the value is greater than the time it takes. I forgot that. How could I forget that?
So, congratulations Patrick! I’m so proud of you. And thank you for a timely lesson in family connections!
(For those who may be concerned, I have gotten the medication I need to get well. It’s still a work-in-progress, but I’m recovering from my illness.)
