As a person of faith, I believe in the existence of an underlying order that spans the entire universe and our individual, daily lives. I believe this order is designed by a loving God, set in place to fulfill eternal purposes. And yet, I say I embrace the chaos of autism. How can this be?
Life generally appears chaotic. Life with three active, autistic boys seems even more chaotic than the usual American family. My boys do crazy things. And we live a crazy life keeping up with them. However, in embracing this apparent chaos, we can find the order that lies beneath the unpredictable surface. From catching the “joos” that’s surrounded by babbled syllables to know that my son wants a drink of juice to finding my son who refuses to use the potty changing his own diaper. I look for the meaning and the order that is uniquely theirs.
There’s order to the spinning, the lining up, and the sporadic skills that seem to come and go with the changing breeze. To find the order, you must embrace the chaos. Otherwise, you’re trying to change the underlying order of these little people in your care to your own pre-determined expectations – and that is when you create genuine chaos in their young lives.
Aha! I was a bit worried for a moment there but I take your point. We call it ‘the new normal.’ I shall have to check out your writers bit as I could do with a jot of help in that department.
Cheers
The point being that it is not autistics who are chaos or who make chaos, but us trying “normal” ways to love/teach/interact with them and expecting to make a “normal” child. The idea actually came from my brother, who loves his nephews dearly, but is not able to see them often. It’s like coming out of darkness into light. First you see the chaos, but then, as your eyes adjust, you see the meaning and order underneath the chaos.
For us, it is “the new normal.” However, new parents, new friends, and other people who newly enter our children’s lives still face that adjustment period.
“I shall have to check out your writers bit as I could do with a jot of help in that department.”
Ooh, don’t do that. There’s nothing there. I’ve been working on setting up the web pages and haven’t gotten the whole “content” thing down yet!
- August 23, 2009 at 5:15 PM
Making the Connection : Embracing Chaos[...] every fiber and sinew, and expresses it the best way he knows how. Yet, many people outside the chaos of autism would not see or interpret his love [...]